my heart, a brewing storm

Would you?

Endy — Sun, 20 Aug 2006 05:12:08 +0000

We’ll do it all
Everything
On our own We don’t need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don’t quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They’re not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we’re told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that’s bursting into life

Let’s waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we’re told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that’s bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they’re all I can see

I don’t know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

So would you?
No, you wouldn’t.

craig david had it prophesized.

Endy — Sat, 19 Aug 2006 06:15:11 +0000

For all the years that I’ve known you baby
I can’t figure out the reason why lately
you’ve been acting so cold (didn’t you say)
if there’s a problem we should work it out
so why you giving me the cold shoulder now
like you don’t want to talk to me girl (tell me)
okay I know I was late again
I made you mad and dinners thrown in (the bin)
but why you making this thing drag on so long (I wanna know)
I’m sick and tired of this silly games(silly games)
don’t think that I’m the only one here to blame
it’s not me who’s been going round slamming doors

That’s when you turned and said to me
I don’t care babe who’s right or wrong
I just don’t love you no more

Rain outside my window pouring down
what now, you’re gone, my fault, I’m sorry
feeling like a fool cause I let you down
now it’s too late to turn it around
I’m sorry for the tears I’ve made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
you made it clear when you said
I just don’t love you no more

I know that I’ve made a few mistakes
but never thought things would turn out this way
doesn’t make sense to me now that you’re gone (I see it all so clearly)
me at the door with you in a state
giving my reasons but as you look away
I can see a tear roll down your face

That’s when you turned and said to me
I don’t care babe who’s right or wrong
I just don’t love you no more

Rain outside my window pouring down
what now, you’re gone, my fault, I’m sorry
feeling like a fool cos I let you down
now it’s too late to turn it around
I’m sorry for the tears I’ve made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
you made it clear when you said
I just don’t love you no more

Those simple words hit so hard
they turned my whole world upside down
girl you caught me completely off guard
on that night you said to me
I just don’t love you no more

irony of it all . . .

Endy — Fri, 18 Aug 2006 16:45:29 +0000

when my mind decides, it always seems so final. Yet, if you try hard enough, soften it will and quickly too.
But I’m gonna call a spade a spade. I cannot but feel a little confused. Nearing our end, a request was made- and heeded - that I toil these lonely hours on my own. Not to find another too quickly. Fine. Out of respect.

But u paint the town red in my hours of pain. I find that it reeks of disrespect. That while I try to toil my heart quietly, on my own might I add, you have the heartiest of smiles. No matter where or when. I am glad that you mourn our loss. A new introduction is in the clouds, I assure.

Respect begets respect.

You’re not there

Endy — Sun, 13 Aug 2006 04:38:29 +0000

Beautiful dawn - lights up the shore for me.
There is nothing else in the world,
I’d rather wake up and see (with you).
Beautiful dawn - I’m just chasing time again.
Thought I would die a lonely man, in endless night.
But now I’m high; running wild among all the stars above.
Sometimes it’s hard to believe you remember me.

Beautiful dawn - melt with the stars again.
Do you remember the day when my journey began?
Will you remember the end (of time)?
Beautiful dawn - You’re just blowing my mind again.
Thought I was born to endless night, until you shine.
High; running wild among all the stars above.
Sometimes it’s hard to believe you remember me.

Will you be my shoulder when I’m grey and older?
Promise me tomorrow starts with you,
Getting high; running wild among all the stars above.
Sometimes it’s hard to believe you remember me

Heard this last night. Stopped my night in its tracks and I spun. Spun my way home.
You’re not there.

a trip to bishan

Endy — Fri, 11 Aug 2006 06:16:15 +0000

I took that much needed trip to Bishan this morning. Loaded myself with mp4 player, this month’s Maxim and The New Paper as I try to kick the cab habit out of me once again. Train rides ain’t too bad. Just lose yourself into a book and hey! presto you’re there!

I knew you were so close. If you were home that is. I recall our little trip to Bishan one afternoon after my tournament. I think I either lost my game or didn’t get to play cos the rest of Siglap lost. Didn’t matter cos you were there to pick me up- in more ways than one.

My hands fidgeted with my phone. I wondered if it was wise of me to call. If you’d answer my call or let it ring itself into silence. Guess that wonderment wouldn’t be answered as I decided.

I am not angry with you. I never cld stay angry even if I tried. Still doesn’t take away what you once stood for. I get this feeling that you’re doing good. And school is starting, no? Gambatte ne, may your dreams be fulfilled as I just watch on from afar. Our chapter has ended but your life still goes on with the excitement of adult life beckoning.

I, too, wish you happy always. Always.

its just a crush

Endy — Mon, 07 Aug 2006 17:50:34 +0000

The term has been deemed childish. By golly then maybe I am. I am one who has been governed by his emotions and for a long time, at that. But the buzz it creates within me is something that I am not willing to ignore. Cos it wouldn’t let me. It just keeps coming back. What do you call it again? what was that term . . .

Ah yes . . . its rampant. =)

so do I thank my lucky stars for the undue stress that my ligaments have been put under?
the badminton “career” that I am putting on hold?
the “riquelme” moves I try to emulate now just figments of my imagination?
the slimming down I have duly postponed to no disciplined ends?

such thoughts are way too premature. Have I failed to mention that its only a crush? But aye . . . so saccherine a smile is so mortally impossible to forget. Really. I am a sucker for such. Have always been and looks like I am true to form - such is the rusty estate of my romance novels. Chapter by chapter passes with no conclusion in sight. Sigh . . .

the 25th of this month. I am really looking forward to it.
See ya, J.B.

It takes two . . .

Endy — Sun, 06 Aug 2006 09:30:26 +0000

I didn’t need to see you go away from me. I already realised that was the last. Not that I never knew. I just chose not to believe. But if you think its for the best then let it be.

Let me know, let me know
Ah - ha, let me know, let me know
Let me know

When I feel what I feel
Sometimes it’s hard to tell you so
You may not be in the mood to learn what you think you know

There are times when I find
You want to keep yourself from me
When I don’t have the strength; I’m just a mirror of what I see

But at your best you are love
You’re a positive motivating force within my life
Should you ever feel the need to wonder why
Let me know, let me know. . .

When you feel what you feel
Oh, how hard for me to understand
So many things have taken place before this love affair began
But if you feel, oh, like I feel
Confusion can give way to doubt
For there are times when I fall short of what I say,
What I say I’m all about, all about

But at your best you are love
You’re a positive motivating force within my life
Should you ever feel the need to wonder why
Let me know, let me know. . .

Tell me what it is (Tell me what it is)
Make believe, no need to make believe
Look beyond your own (Look beyond your own)
Try and find another place for me
Cause. . .
At Your Best - Aaliyah

You were good to and for me. I never denied. But this is time for me to play catch up, with you already so far ahead and healing. Heal I shall. Come back, I shall. Better than ever. Just watch me.

the passing of my hero

Endy — Thu, 03 Aug 2006 01:41:12 +0000

My grandpa has peacefully returned to Allah’s graces on the 1st of August, at a grand old age of 82.
Do say a prayer or two for Mohd Zaidi bin Shamsuddin. He will be sorely missed by the family he left behind and by the people who will hear of his stories and wished that they had met such a man.

Al Fateha.

a prayer for one Mohd. Zaidi

Endy — Mon, 31 Jul 2006 16:19:40 +0000

Grandpa isn’t doing too good.

What started out as a blockage of the chest turned out to be kidney failure. Both. And one has shrunk so bad that he no longer responds to treatment and he’s too old to go through a transplant . . . let alone dialysis. Tonight was especially worse. As my family members solemnly gather around his bed, I cannot believe my own vision . . . that the one in that bed was my grandpa. My superman. My superhero.

Very weak, barely able to breathe - due to the fluids in his lungs - and unable to recognise the people around him, he spoke for the first time today. He prayed. As I whispered prayers into his good ear, tears escape my walls and I realised that my fears are very real.

I have a new fear.
Phonecalls from whoever’s staying with him. Usually its mum.
I am. For I fear.

Bunga Bunga Cinta

Endy — Sun, 30 Jul 2006 02:14:39 +0000

Hmmm.oh…
Dikalaku kesepian
Dihanyut ombak nan resah
kau mengubati kerinduan

Dikalaku keresahan
Dihanyut malam nan gelap
Kau menerangi hidupku

Kini Segalanya telah berubah
cintamu hanya memori indah
Ku ditinggalkan kesepian
Pilu hatiku

Kembalilah kepadaku
Selamilah jiwa ini yang terluka
Ikatan kita berdua

Sayangilah diri ini
Belailah jiwa nan sepi
Kelayuan…Dedaunan keguguran
Dahan nan kerapuhan
Bunga2 cinta…layu dipusaran
Hmmm…hmmm…

Dikalaku kerinduan
Dihembus angin nan pilu
Kutatapi wajah dirimu

Dikalaku keseorangan
Di hanyut asmara cinta
Kau membelai jiwaku ini

Hanya satu ku pinta oh darimu
Hargailah cinta kita…
Oh..
Gelora menikam jiwa ini
Melanda di hati ini
Deraian cinta yang suci